Choosing You
by Frannabelle
Summary: It was a small gesture, it might not mean anything, he told himself, but still he asked, "So what's goin' on in that pretty little head of yours? Are you thinking Angel's right? Am I gettin' in the way?"
1. Chapter 1

AU/All-human; Spuffy two-shot

**Disclaimer**: The characters contained within were not originally created by me; otherwise, I'd be rich.

Chapter 1

"I will always choose _him_."

Buffy stood to punctuate her statement. She left her coffee cup on the table and turned to leave. Part of her would have liked to throw its contents in his face, but she'd emptied the cup just a few minutes before he'd made his ridiculous suggestion.

"Buffy, don't leave like this. I didn't mean….Come on, Buffy!"

She gave her head a slight turn back over her right shoulder towards him as she made her way to the door. "_Always_," she whispered.

Buffy knew Angel had heard her.

She'd meant what she'd said to him. There was no denying that Angel would always be her first love, possibly her only love. No one, not even Spike, could touch that. But Spike had been the only one to stick with her, and she was going to stick by him. If she needed any kind of support whatsoever, she knew she could count on Spike to provide it. She would always choose him over anyone else. Even Angel.

The Espresso Pump was only a short walk from where she lived on Revello, that's why she'd chosen it. She wasn't interested in going anymore out of her way for Angel ever again. When she reached the door to the house, she pushed it open. Spike had left the door ajar for her. He knew she'd be back. He trusted she would.

"That was quick. What did he want to talk to you about?" Spike called out.

He wasn't in the living room when she'd entered. It sounded to Buffy as though his voice was coming from the kitchen and she followed it.

"He wanted me to consider reconciliation," she sighed approaching the kitchen counter.

He was slicing tomatoes for a sandwich, which he suspiciously caught her eyeing.

"Wanna bite?" He gestured toward the sandwich with the hand holding the knife.

Her mood brightened. "Definitely!"

"So, what else did he say?"

"Don't interrupt; I'm about to bite into this perfect specimen of a sandwich," she nudged.

"Hey! That's still mine, y'know. Just sharing is all." Spike grabbed at the sandwich just as Buffy was putting it up to her mouth for another sample.

"Ugh," she said licking an errant spot of mayonnaise from her finger. "He just wants to try again. That's all." He held out the sandwich to offer her another bite. She took it and swallowed before she spoke. "He wants me to move out of here," she whispered, as if it would be less hurtful presented at a lower volume.

Spike took a swig of beer from his bottle, his jaw squaring off as he swallowed was the only readable expression on his face. Buffy hadn't noticed the bottle on the counter until he'd brought it to his lips. Of course, now she had to get herself a drink, too. But as if reading her mind, Spike tilted the bottle towards her. She accepted it with a smile.

"What did _you_ say?"

"I told him that that was ridiculous, that - "

"The 'reconciliation' or the moving out part?"

"Uh….Well, both." Buffy set the bottle back down on the counter. "I mean, I guess at the time I was referring to us getting back together; but, by the end of it, I was meaning…leaving."

"I don't want you to leave." Spike shook his head and spoke softly, putting the sandwich down. He reached passed Buffy and grabbed a paper towel from the holder and wiped his hands.

"Spike, I said I told him it was out of the question." Her eyes followed him around the kitchen. Spike was pacing now, thinking, unsure of what he wanted to say next. "Spike, I'm not moving out." He stopped at the sink, bracing himself against the edge with his hands, and turned his head to look at her. "For one thing," Buffy said with a sly smile, "you wouldn't be able to afford the rent without me."

His right eyebrow arched in response. He turned toward her, more relaxed, and leaned back against the sink. "What else did you say?"

"Angel wanted me to make a choice. He wanted me to think about the past, and the time we invested in our relationship, and he wanted me to choose the life we'd made before all this mess with Faith." Buffy nonchalantly picked up the beer bottle and took another sip. Spike watched her intently. "I said I would always choose you…and then I threw my coffee cup at him."

Spike's eyes lit and he straightened his stance. "Really?"

"Well, no. I finished it before we got to that point. But I really wanted to, and it would have been perfect, too!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Why do you think it was that _we_ never got together?" she asked.

Buffy moved over to the couch and gathered the remains of the day's paper and took a seat next to Spike. She swatted at his legs encouraging the removal of his boots from the coffee table. Buffy leaned back into the cushions and rolled her head over to look at him.

"You hated me is why," Spike chuckled. "Or, have you forgotten?"

"Well, you were annoying," she said, almost wistfully recalling their earlier acquaintance with each other. They'd met under unusual circumstances - he the then boyfriend of her current ex's ex. Angel had had a torrid affair with Drusilla, and although he and Buffy had established a strong relationship by the time she and Drusilla had met, it didn't help matters that Drusilla had had Spike in tow posturing up to Angel. It helped even less that the three had all grown up together; Buffy was an outsider.

Spike leaned down to unlace his boots. Buffy was still looking over at him, and studied his hands as they released his tired feet from their confines. Long and thin, one couldn't imagine the strength they carried. But, Buffy knew how strong those hands were - they'd helped hold her up when she'd been so close to falling off the edge of the world. And now, she saw them as utterly masculine. This person beside her, her closest friend, he was a man - she considered it strange to just realize it right then.

"You didn't like me because you couldn't figure out why anyone would ever want to be with _her_."

"Ah, are we not saying her name again?" Buffy asked bemused.

"We don't have to say either of their names," Spike said, his face purposefully masking any expression to her of what he was really thinking.

They didn't speak for a few minutes, and then Buffy asked, "Did you ever think I was pretty?"

"You know you are," was his answer, accompanied by a roll of his eyes.

"That's not what I meant."

He regarded her thoughtfully and replied, "Aesthetically, sure I did. But you were with Angel, and I was with Drusilla, yeah? She hated you, and by default, I had to, too. So, it didn't make a difference." Confused, Spike studied her face for a moment. "Where's all this coming from, Pet?"

"Last week, Angel insinuated that it wasn't just Faith that came between us," Buffy replied looking pointedly at Spike.

"That ponce," he said shaking his head. "He can't take responsibility for his indiscretions, and has to point fingers at anyone other than himself." He placed his hand on her thigh. "Buffy, you loved him with your whole heart. And, honestly - you ever repeat this to him and you'll be a very sorry girl - but, I think he really loved you, too." Spike began to rub her thigh reassuringly. "There's no way I could've ever come between that."

Buffy looked down at his hand and wondered if that were really true now. He'd come to mean so much to her now, that it was difficult to remember that just a few short years ago things were so different between them.

"What happened with Faith..." Spike continued, "Well, I don't think Angel planned that. But, he should know better than to not accept his part in it."

"He doesn't like me here with you because he thinks it'll cloud my judgment."

"And, what do you think?" He really wondered what was going through her head. Spike felt like this conversation was leading them to a bridge they weren't quite prepared to cross, but that didn't mean he wasn't curious to find out what was on the other side.

"You're the only one who understood what I was going through when I found out about…when Angel and I broke up. I felt like I was a burden to Willow and Xander. They're my friends, too, but they'd been wrapped up in their own happinesses, I just couldn't…."

"Lucky for me, I've been throwing my own pity party, that it?"

"Don't," she mocked sternness. "I just meant -"

"I know what you meant, Pet."

His hand had long since stilled over her thigh, but remained. He suddenly became aware of its intimate location and made an effort to remove it, but was stopped by the placement of her hand over it. Buffy's thumb stroked his knuckles, and she softly smiled at him.

"Thank you for being there for me."

Against his better judgment, Spike couldn't fight the urge to ask her where this discussion was leading them. He let himself savor the feel of her thumb's soft touch against his skin. It was a small gesture, _it might not mean anything_, he told himself, but still he asked, "So fancy tellin' me what's goin' on in that pretty little head of yours? Are you thinking Angel's right? Am I gettin' in the way?"

"I've been thinking about what he and I talked about at the coffee shop last week. And, I do rely on you a lot."

"Not complainin' here, Pet." He inwardly flinched at how desperate his response sounded.

"I know, Spike. Please, let me finish," she offered reassuringly. "Maybe what I feel about you has to do with Transference, or maybe - "

"Pfft," he began with a wave of his hand. "Bloody hell, Buffy, you know I hate it when you start up with all that psycho mumbo jumbo," he said with a roll of his eyes.

"Spike, I'm just saying that it's _possible_ that what I think I feel isn't what I really want it to be."

He looked at her more seriously, "What _do_ you want it to be?"

"I want….Well, I _don't_ want it to be what Angel thinks it is. I don't want to turn to you because I'm feeling sorry for myself. And, I _don't_ want to ruin our friendship. I care about you too much to - "

"I know you do, Buffy. I don't doubt that at all." Spike's hand came up to stroke the side of her face. Buffy caught it with her own, and brought it down to her lap.

"You can't do that right now. You can't touch me that way while I'm trying to say this." The desperation in her voice was beginning to scare him. Any second now he was expecting to hear her say she'd decided to leave - Angel was right. "I've come to realize that Angel _was_ right." And there it was. The dread was almost unbearable. Spike slowly extricated his hand from Buffy's hold. He felt suddenly sick. "Spike, what happened between Angel and me wouldn't have happened if we were really in love." Spike could feel the bile rising from his stomach. He shook his head to clear it, only half listening to her words. "I was really involved with school; and when Drusilla left you, I stepped in. You needed someone to talk to, and I was more than glad to be that person for you."

"Are you trying to say that you think I interfered?"

"No. No, Spike, not at all. I'm trying to say that I thought at first that maybe I let myself get involved with helping you because of my own personal interests - that it's possible that maybe I needed someone to rescue. That's what I was going to school for, after all. But, I think I was wrong about that. Angel was right about my feelings for you. Not that stuff he said about me turning to you now because I don't want to be alone, the other stuff. I could have worked harder on my relationship with him; maybe then he wouldn't have turned to Faith. Instead, I let myself get wrapped up in you."

"I didn't mean to come between you two, Buffy."

"Spike, I wanted this. Being here with you; I made this happen. Not consciously, but I created this situation for us. Angel played his part, like you said. But that we're here right now, what I'm trying to say - _and failing miserably at _- about how I feel about you right now…._God_, I'm doing this all wrong."

"Buffy - "

"Spike, I want you." Buffy rose to resituate herself on the couch. She sat on her left leg, fully facing him now. She took his hands in hers, breathing in deeply. Buffy gave Spike a moment to digest her words, and then continued, "I want to be with you. I've come to realize that what I've always _really_ wanted is what I have here with you." She then brought her right leg up underneath her as well, and tightened her hold on Spike's hands as if willing him to understand. Would he reciprocate her feelings, she wondered.

"Buffy," he whispered. He brought his hand back up to stroke the side of her face, as he had earlier, and this time she didn't deny him the gesture. "Buffy, are you sure? 'Cause, I don't think I could take it if you didn't know for sure if you mean it." Spike tugged gently at the back of her neck, bringing her forehead down to rest upon his, and Buffy closed her eyes in relief.

"Do you remember when Drusilla came back for some of her stuff?" Buffy asked, sitting back on her heels.

"Yeah, you said you let her in while I was at work." Spike's thumb continued to stroke Buffy's cheek.

"I told her, to spite her, that she didn't have to worry about you, that I'd take care of you. I told her that one day, she'd regret hurting you, but that I'd help you get over her. At the time, I meant that I'd offer you my friendship to get you through, but she just laughed and said that she could tell all along about us. _'Poor Angel,'_ she said, _'he won't see it coming'_."

"And now?"

"Now?" she repeated, with the gentlest of smiles. "I just want to be kissing you right now. I don't want to be thinking about them anymore."

The End

**A/N:** If reviewing this is wrong, I don't want you to be right...


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